Confusion
by Trisha Evenstar
Summary: Yes, they confuse us. They puzzle us and they hurt us. But sometimes, some are worth doing it all over again.


**Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor will I ever be as brilliant as her. I am simply me, in all my inglorious mess.**

Gabby raged around her library, much to the amusement of one Sirius Black, who sat watching her out of the corner of his eye from a rather squishy sofa he was currently in the midst of.

Lily and James had been on the warpath for over a fortnight, but thanks to a rather irate Gabby, that seemed to finally be over. She had Sirius march his best friend over to her townhouse, under the guise of planning a surprise birthday party for Remus. She then told HER best friend the same little white lie, and as a result, Lily Evans ended up locked in Gabby's parlour with a rather annoyed looking James Potter. After two Silencing Charms cast on both of them, Gabby proceeded to list – in a voice growing increasingly louder – every single reason she knew for them to stop behaving like "immature, asinine, moronic dolts" and to patch things up between them.

Sirius leaned nonchalantly against the doorframe outside and chuckled to himself, hearing every word but not daring to enter and risk having Gabby's wrath turned upon him. They enjoyed a comfortable, albeit platonic, relationship, but he sometimes thought he wanted more. However, Gabby never showed the slightest sign that she felt the same way, no matter how hard and long he prodded. He sighed. No sense dwelling there.

At the sudden sound of Silencing Charms being revoked and more voices joining the fray, he fingered his wand, wondering if rushing into the room to protect her from Lily's infamous hexes would somehow make her see him in a different light. He dropped that idea at once, she had often stated that she never felt attracted to the "Prince Charmings" she read about in her hundreds of books, she always fell for the silent, brooding, intellectual types. Unfortunately, silent and brooding Princes were apparently hard to find in Muggle novels, for some strange reason. Besides, Lily wouldn't hex her too badly… Gabby was her best mate after all.

The door suddenly slammed open and Lily whirled out, her flaming red hair seeming to spit sparks as she laid eyes on him holding his wand warily. "YOU! So she had you in on this too! I'll have your head on a platter Black!"

James rushed out right after her and tried to place a soothing hard on her wand arm while glaring at Sirius, who simply grinned back. "You know Lils, maybe Gabby had a good idea. Let's go back to my place for a bit and try to relax… and not curse these two with antlers." Here he narrowed his eyes at Sirius, who winked in return then nodded. "Best idea I've heard so far Prongs. G'night Lilykins!" sending her a smooch and turning on his heel into Gabby's library.

Lily looked up at James, seeming to mull his suggestion over until nodding in agreement. He smiled and they headed out into the garden, away from the Anti-Apparation wards Gabby had protecting her house, then with a "crack" they disappeared.

Gabby finally left her parlour and headed into the comfort of her library. After all of that drama she needed to simply lose herself in a nice historical novel, but instead ended up walking straight into Sirius, knocking him onto her sofa. She stared at him. "What are you doing in here?" she demanded.

"Well, I fancied myself a good read after all that sexual tension out there. Appears I'm not the only one." He waggled his eyebrows at her mischievously.

"Sexual tension wasn't their problem," she huffed, "obstinacy was. I honestly don't know who's the more stubborn between those two."

"I'd say you," he responded, pulling a random book off a nearby shelf.

"Me? How am I stubborn? If I was stubborn I'd have tossed you out of here already, look at the time!" she pointed at the old grandfather clock in the corner, showing 12.15 in the morning.

"Hmm," he said, thumbing idly through the pages. "You always say you don't believe in love, it doesn't exist, you're too busy to pay attention to it, it's a waste of your time, etc etc. Yet whose idea was it to bring those two lovebirds back together? Yours. Who's the one that got them to stay in the same room with each other? You. Who's the one that got them shagging like rabbits at James' house at… what was it… 12.20 in the morning? You."

She blushed, "Shagging wasn't my plan, I just wanted them to talk things out a bit." In truth though, she couldn't believe he was quoting her views on love, word for word. Who knew Sirius Black paid attention to someone other than himself? She shrugged. "Besides, those are MY thoughts on love and how they pertain to me, not anyone else. I've been in love once, and it was wonderful. I'd like for everyone to experience something like that. However, things are different for me, I have too many more important things to focus on." With this, she walked away to the bookcases on the opposite side of the room and pulled out a dusty tome on lycanthropy.

"Hang on," Sirius called, "What about it is different for you?"

Gabby ambled back to where he was sitting, thinking about the best way to answer him and effectively end this conversation. "Well, I'm too picky. And I'm oblivious to men when they show interest, it's like I have tunnel vision that blocks them out. I don't like being called sexy, it's impossible to think of myself as being sexually attractive. I'm a bookworm, I live among my books, I don't like people other than my friends, and I don't want to get my heart broken again, then have to deal with that mess for months after. Men confuse me!" she blurted out, flinging her hand up in the air.

Sirius could see her winding herself up again, her book lay forgotten on a side table and her hair was coming out of the messy bun it was in. He adored every detail about her.

"We confuse you?" he asked. "Pray tell oh brilliant female, what could possible confuse YOU about US."

She narrowed her eyes at him, "You never say what you mean. You lie to get us in bed, then casually drop us in the blink of an eye. I'm not saying there aren't women out there who do the same, but I'm not one of them. So why should I be treated like that?" Her voice softly broke on the last word and he made a movement, to reach up and touch her cheek, but she spun away from him and began ranting, "I never understand what's wrong with you guys! You have perfectly fine women all around you, who care about you and would do anything for you, but you always prefer the ones with big busts and filled out jeans with empty heads. Gahh! It's only after we're gone that you guys Finally realise we were worth it, then expect us to forgive and forget, blindly trusting that you won't hurt us again. How can I allow myself to be like that for a guy? It's weak!" She stormed around the library, occasionally sending a few death glares his way but otherwise caught up in her tirade.

He quietly replied, "What if we honestly learned from our mistakes and want another chance? Is that too much to ask? We can get hurt in the process too. Women don't realise the hold they have on us, and the lengths we'd go for them. Once we fall in love… there's no going back. You're ours forever, no matter what happens."

She stopped meandering about and came to a stop in front of him, "Then why hurt us in the first place?"

He looked up at her from where he sat, "I don't know. But it's not something most of us set out to do."

She threw her hands up in the air, "See? You don't make any sense! You're bloody confusing!"

Sirius dropped his book, stood up and grabbed her. His left hand gripped her waist in a vice-like grip and his grey eyes looked fiercely down at her. His right hand gently tugged her head forward and he leaned in until he was a whisper away from her lips. "Is this clear enough for you?" he demanded. Then he kissed her, fast and heated, trying to put all his years of loving her into it, until he slowed down and pulled away languorously, looking into her eyes to try and gauge her reaction.

She stood still, not daring to move, not daring to believe that he understood all her thinly veiled statements she had just made about him. She bit her lip, watching his eyes darken even further to a stormy grey, and swallowed slightly. He smelled like all her wickedest thoughts imaginable, but looked at her as though if he so much as breathed she'd break.

She brought one hand up to softly tangle in his hair while the other one traced his cheekbone, and she smiled. "I think I'll need a bit more clarification if you don't mind."

He agreed.


End file.
